I decided to clean my act up . now its making me want to throw up ,im sick of all this sin , this life i never auditioned to play in you say grow up i say throw up fuck ur rules fuck your hate and those who discriminate you cant break me you can hate me are you sure that you dont wanna date me im sick im sin im full of fucking win you laugh i cry ill make you wanna die

goodbye drugs

You were a good friend to me for the most part the past few years but you were also terrible. I lied cheated and stole for you. I was put through pain the days I didn't have money for you. I broke promises to friends and family because I needed drugs to even feel normal. I missed birthdays, holidays and ruined some amazing relationships just to keep you by my side. You were my best friend and my worst enemy. Life without you seemed un-manageable but here I am 10 months and 2 days later living better then I ever have. This is my final goodbye. I won't be comming back. I have decided to continue building a life for myself instead of degrading my life for you. I understand that no matter what you will be within reach but I have also decided to not reach out for you when things get bad. You see I now have a journal to write in, friends to be there for me, a boyfriend to support me, and an amazing family to love me. I am glad that I have learned and grew up by giving away my addiction to you. Farwell drugs!

goodbye drugs

I'm dying inside

I just wanna shoot up right now. I just want to drown my thoughts my pain. Everything to die. I want Malachi to hold me I want to leave I want to drown. Fuck I don't even know what I want. I feel like acid is eroding my brain slowly, painfully. It's like sometimes I don't want to wake up, I'm tired of being In this state... This town. I want to run. Sometimes  I wake up and ask myself " Am I living in hell?" But then I remember I'm still alive because If I wasn't I wouldn't be so sad. I can't feel anything sometimes. But pain.

My love

So The fact that I live my life in fear Is driving me crazy, I met a guy. His name is Malachi. I knew this was the start of something great. I knew I was going to risk things yet for the first time that didn't worried me what worried me was stupid things like if he'll think I'm pretty or skinny enough. I know I don't have clear skin. I'm not some experienced sex guru but I know that I can learn to be comfortable with him. I know this is going to be right! He's just what I need. Kinda crazy It's only been what a week.? I don't fall quick and when I do it tends to not be hard. I have up an important person to have him fit in my life and I don't regret it at all. Hope I don't fuck this up (:

washington

I arrived in Tacoma at 2. am! Finally after 12 hours in the car with a slightly annoying step mother and loud dad. I think I listened to all the songs on my I-pod which is .. A LOT!  Tommorow morning we are going on the army base to work out, It shall be fun. It is so green out I will post pics. I absolutely love it out here. Adore being the only child to lol even if I don't really enjoy my step mother. I will write more later I kinda have writers block right now, a mix of exhaustion and boredom maybe? Must read the new book 'Perfect' by Ellen Hopkins. So amazing like all of her books! I hope you all have a lovely week 

I love you sweet friend < 3