my dear friend

I think I'm in love with my bestfriend. I mean we both like each other right well I can't get her out of my fucking mind. I just needed to write it all down... I can't ruin our friendship. I'll just take it day by day and well see how if goes . blahajghiahgrkaheRIHNK

The pain.

 Sometimes things get really hard. So hard where you don't want to wake up in the morning. The days where a line of coke and cutting sounds pretty fucking great. Now as  a recovering addict I have to make the choice to put my dealers number down and refrain from the razor. Probably the hardest choices I have to face daily.
 
          It's been really hard lately. Nothing has seemed right, from boyfriend to friends to life in general. Things just seem off. I'm hurting pretty deeply it's nothing anyone can fix though. It's just how I am. I feel like writing a bunch more but I can't seem to tonight. I'll try again tommorow

follow me on tumblr guys!! http://lifeofateenaddict.tumblr.com/

for all of you that don't understand wicca and ask if I believe in god here's the answer

I believe in the Goddess and the God, but not the God the followers of Abrahamic religions believe in. My God fathers all the Goddess has given birth to, so he is as much my "father" as the God of Abraham is theirs. I just happen to have a beautiful mother as well.

I believe it's entirely possible that Jesus existed. But was he the son of God? I don't think so. And he certainly didn't die for my sins, because sin, Hell, Satan, and all things Christianity considers "evil" belong to Christianity alone. In Wicca there are good choices and there are bad choices, both of which affect your karma and send energy back to you threefold - whether it be good energy (which of course is preferable) or bad energy.

 BLESSED BE LOVES (: xx

28 days

If that will make you happy, I will stop drinking. And then I would tell myself tonight I will not get wasted. And then something would happen. Or nothing would happen. And I’d get that feeling and you all know what that feeling is; when your skin is screaming and your hands are shaking and your stomach feels like it wants to jump through your throat. And you know that if anyone had a clue how wrong it felt to be sober, they wouldn’t dream of asking you to stay that way. They would say oh geez, I didn’t know. It’s okay for you. Do that mound of cocaine. Have a drink. Have 20 drinks. Whatever you need to do to feel like a normal human being, you do it. And boy I did it. I drank and I snorted. I drank and snorted. I drank and snorted. And I did this day after day, day after day, night after night. I didn’t care about the consequences because I knew they couldn’t be half as bad as not using. And then one night something happened. I woke up. I woke up on a sidewalk and I had no idea where I was. I couldn’t have told you what city I was in. And my head was pounding and I looked down and my shirt is covered in blood. And as I’m lying there wondering what happens next and I heard a voice. And it said man, this is not a way to live. This is a way to die.

I might be switiching my blog over to a tumblr, so I'll keep you updated

So guys I have reached 10 months clean