I'm dying inside

I just wanna shoot up right now. I just want to drown my thoughts my pain. Everything to die. I want Malachi to hold me I want to leave I want to drown. Fuck I don't even know what I want. I feel like acid is eroding my brain slowly, painfully. It's like sometimes I don't want to wake up, I'm tired of being In this state... This town. I want to run. Sometimes  I wake up and ask myself " Am I living in hell?" But then I remember I'm still alive because If I wasn't I wouldn't be so sad. I can't feel anything sometimes. But pain.

My love

So The fact that I live my life in fear Is driving me crazy, I met a guy. His name is Malachi. I knew this was the start of something great. I knew I was going to risk things yet for the first time that didn't worried me what worried me was stupid things like if he'll think I'm pretty or skinny enough. I know I don't have clear skin. I'm not some experienced sex guru but I know that I can learn to be comfortable with him. I know this is going to be right! He's just what I need. Kinda crazy It's only been what a week.? I don't fall quick and when I do it tends to not be hard. I have up an important person to have him fit in my life and I don't regret it at all. Hope I don't fuck this up (: