It's not enough

Faking happiness has been enough for a while but lately... It isn't. What am I to do? To stay and live like this or do I leave do i run?! My brain is always going it just never stops. I'm so tired of appointments and UA's and not being able to live my live how I want to. It's s screwed up. I just... Sometimes It's just to much for my to deal with. Sure it doesn't sound like to much but it's changed my life. The first six months it helped me so much and I'm a better person because f it but now, It's destroying me and NO ONE see's that. No one see's the girl who's trying so hard to be strong when she's breaking inside n one see's how done I am with this bitter life. I hide my feelings because If i bring them up it's just one more lecture possibly one more appointment and how could I want that? My mom had been SO good at not yelling but it's back I don't want to tell her.. she'll just get mad and say it's because we don't listen or something but truth is It hurts.. I don't like the yelling I hate it and sometimes I yell back because I guess talking in a regular voice isn't enough. I fucking hate it :( I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to kill myself but if the world ended tommorow I definitely wouldnt be upset one bit. Sorry for the long dramatic post I just.. I'm breaking.