How much longer?

Don't really know how much longer i can do this ( not life) just living here... so done. I need nikki and of course may but most of all I need Sandy... i don't know how or where she is right now, I'm worried sick. I can't focus today... things seem out of place. Cravings fucking suck, not that anyone here really understands, not that i care. I want to use so bad, you know that feelings where you want the drug... almost need it so bad that your head feels sick, your brain screams out for it, how it angers you and makes you feel nauseous. I realize though that i was addicted from the start, honestly didn't have to take anything to crave the high, the escape, but i did and things will never be the same, the thoughts the needs...they will never go away, and no matter what I'm an addict. No matter what i do I'll always want to be high and nothing can change that.