Crazy how sobriety changes a person... supposedly for the better... but sometimes i feel like i'm worse off now then i ever was high...which really kills me inside because fuck i was bad it was getting worse but..I felt beautiful and skinny and I was happy, but i made the people around me miserable ...but i was numb i couldn't feel the bad only the good and now ..now i feel everything everything but the good! I don't understand why, i man my drug and alcohol counselor tells me it's cause the damage done to my pleasure center from the drugs...she said it's expected with the cocaine cause cocaine hits fast ..just as bad as meth. So i understand it's just...not fair i mean i'll never actually get it back...ever not the way it was before. Hey it also takes away sexual pleasure n shit so maybe that's why I've kept my virginity!? So i guess I'm okay with that lol ..sex is frickin disgusting anyways.
But anyways sobriety is good in ways i mean i'm healthier and i find more joy in my family and i'm closer to them and shit but sometimes i just don't know ..I know that imma stay sober it's just hard to keep striving for it or being okay with it sometimes but i just gotta keep it up...it's all about the bigger picture.
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